The massive adjustment of welcoming two babies into your life that was once so focused on you, can affect so many important areas of your life as it used to be. Your marriage, your social life, your career, is all in a state of rearranging as everyone tries to figure out what life will look like now.
Today I want to talk about the struggle of getting through a spiritually dark time when you’re feeling overwhelmed with all the changes in your life. How do you make it through?
Here’s a excerpt from an email I wrote when my twins were around 11 months old.
The feeling I had the last 20 months can only be described as floating lost in a little boat out at sea, paddling this way and that, trying to find my way back to the shore, to remember through the thick fog where I’m supposed to be heading..getting tired and sleeping in my boat..not actually ever getting anywhere. I felt like I didn’t know myself anymore, this person in the mirror wasn’t me, was it?Who was I anyway?
When I got married the adjustment to a new role was fairly easy..why was my new role as mom so much harder to figure out? Was this all it was? Just getting through each day with everyone fed and alive and to always be obsessed with sleep, the ever elusive thing I couldn’t ever get enough of? Would I ever have energy to anything other than the bare necessities ever again? What did I used to do anyway?
Oh yes, I used to bake, read interesting books, exercise, travel and do projects. I’ll still do these things again right? ( I did manage to do a few things along the way, out of sheer determination that I needed to still do things that I used to do, like making two baby quilts at 8 months pregnant even though I was almost passing out the whole time). My life will be normal again..it has to, right? Or is this my new normal?
Slowly over the last few weeks as the fog of my mind cleared, I saw glimpses of sunlight and hope that my mind would soon be free again, and I would be myself again. Well it did clear, and when it did I found that I was not drifting aimlessly out at sea, as I had felt I was, but was firmly anchored to the Rock, my Lighthouse, my Fortress. He had been there all along, just like I knew in my heart He was, but at the darkest times questioned where.
When you have a lot of major life changes to deal with, as well as sleep deprivation making thinking in general difficult, it can throw you into a mental and spiritual fog that leaves you feeling alone and lost. Just floating aimlessly.
It’s times like these that our spiritual convictions are tested and we see what our faith is really made of. When we have questions, doubts or struggles, do we still trust that God is there and that He is in control even though we can’t feel or see Him?
The good news is that He never leaves us, and that He gets us through those tough times when He seems distant. He is the Rock that never moves when everything around us is changing. He is the Lighthouse that shines brightly so we can see through the fog what direction to keep heading through the choppy waters of stress. He is the Fortress that we can safely take refuge in when we are weary and overwhelmed with the daily demands of life.
Different seasons of life have different challenges. If you are in the season of trying to navigate through the fog of spiritually low time, all you need to know is that Jesus is there. He is your anchor.