I did a lot of babysitting in my teens and early twenties, so the thought of having a baby was really not a scary thing for me when I got married and started thinking about having a family of my own. I felt fairly confident that I could easily handle whatever a new baby had to throw at me. Maybe that’s why God gave me twins-to bring me down a few notches and teach me that there were some things in life I would need His strength for. Needless to say, there were a LOT more extra fears in my mind at the thought of having twins then there normally would have been.
Thankfully, each of my big fears taught me valuable lessons that I probably needed to learn to be a better person or something..who knows? I probably would have been an overly confident, have-it-all-together kind of mom if I hadn’t. Now I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry, my leggings have become the only thing I wear (why does no one talk about how uncomfortable it is to wear jeans after a C-section?) and most days I’m feeling less than confident!
Either way, we all have fears about becoming a mom for the first time, so if you’re a soon-to-be mom of two, or just curious to know if you’ve had the same fears, I hope this helps!
I would get them mixed up and loose their identity
When I learned I was having identical twins I just felt like I was getting two of the same baby at first. Of course I knew that wasn’t true-every person is unique and individual-but I worried that I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart and I would get them switched at some point and loose their identity in the process.
During my pregnancy, there were lots of tests and ultra sounds, and both twin A and twin B were carefully monitored to make sure they were both doing OK. So I always knew which was which and since we named them after we found out their gender, I felt like it was very important that I didn’t get them switched up.
What actually happened: They turned out to look different (to me at least) and have very different personalities, so there was never a time I got them mixed up. It was a big fear though, until I held them in my arms and realized that they were both so unique.
There wouldn’t be enough of me to go around
I knew having a baby was a full time job, so what was having two babies going to be like? Running a circus that’s what. How was I supposed to run a household, be a good wife, have some time for myself, plus meet both my babies needs all at the same time? Just keeping everyone fed and clothed seemed like a big venture, not to mention having energy and time to be an actively engaged mom and wife.
Would I have time to just sit and snuggle? Would I have time to focus on each child and really get to know them? Would I go crazy? Would I crack from the pressure of such a big life change and adjustment? How would I give them both all my undivided attention? Could I be enough for two babies at once?
What actually happened: I was right about the circus part..and learned fairly quickly that I needed to become a more organized person, have a routine, and establish some household systems to keep the ship from sinking after experiencing a really bad panic attack about 3 months postpartum.
I’d been trying to be supermom and do it all on my own strength, forgetting that I really needed God’s strength for the new big challenge he had given me. I was in such a mental fog of exhaustion and overwhelm that I had unintentionally drifted away, rather than towards, the One I needed most to be close to. So I made room for myself in the schedule to get that spiritual and mental recharge time.
It’s still something I need to work on though (making time for myself) but I’m getting better. Most days I still think how nice it would be to have three of me! But with God’s help, one of me is enough.
I wouldn’t be able to bond with each of them as closely
Before getting pregnant I had lovely visions of motherhood where I would be snuggling and rocking my newborn all day, carrying her around and creating this intense bond of love and devotion. She would be the focus of (most of) all my attention and I would put my time and energy into caring for her every need.
Then when two were on the way, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to pay as much attention as I had wanted to each baby. Would one get more attention and the other feel left out and less loved? What if one was more needy and the other one got less cuddles as a result? Would I have time to get to know each one, and sit rocking while we stared into each other’s eyes?
What if I just never had time to be the mom to each of them that I wanted to be? What if they were really close to each other and just didn’t need me as much when they were older because they had each other? Would I feel left out? Not needed? I wanted to be close to my girls like I was with my own mom.
What actually happened: Both my girls were very independent from the beginning and I felt a bit sad that they didn’t need me more in the way of physical affection and snuggling. They were just happy to lay/play on the floor together and it wasn’t until they were around 18 months that one of them started wanting to get picked up. Otherwise they were always wanting to do what the other one was doing.
So I felt a bit sad at times that they didn’t need me as much as I’d thought, but mostly I was too exhausted to dwell on it much, and too overwhelmed to make the effort to pick them up more or carry them around when they were happy where they were, and when I was needing some space anyway.
I still feel like I don’t have time for each of them like I would like, but we’re slowly learning how to sneak in one-on-one time with each of them when we can. I’m just so busy dealing with both of them, that I do the bare minimum and rush to the next one/thing. Around 16 months they started wanting my attention more and now we’re in the “terrific two’s”, so they get pretty possessive of my attention (which was what I wanted before, right?).
So now I’m trying to juggle giving them both the attention they need, while still getting the bare necessities done around the house. I have to be careful to guard against mom guilt (as it’s apparently called), and remind myself that I’m doing the best I can to bond with each of my girls, and that’s all I can do. If you’re worried about being a good mom, then most likely, you’re being a good mom!
And then of course there’s the fear once you have your babies that you’ll never sleep again…but that’s for another post!
Did you have any fears about having twins? I’d love to hear from you! Comment below!